What Do I mean To You?
by Arcane Desires
Summary: Riku's just moved in with his boyfriend Cloud, but he finds a picture of Cloud's ex Sephiroth and believes the blonde's only with him for the resemblance. Is it true or are there things about Cloud's past that the teen doesn't know about? Cloud/Riku YAOI.


**Title:** What Do I Mean To You?  
[**Artist:** ArcaneDesires  
**Pairings:** Kingdom Hearts/Final Fantasy (Cloud/Riku and some mild Sora/Leon)  
**Warnings:** Foul language, Mentions but no actual instances of rape and beating, Yaoi/BL/Shounen-ai.  
**Disclaimer:** I do NOT own any of the boys they all belong to Square Enix. I make NO money from this fic but I do kinda own the storyline (rights to it are shared with Jediempress for giving me the basic idea to the story.

This is a gift for Jediempress. This is the **censored** version, to read the _**uncensored **_version you must be over 18 and have an account either on AFF or Y!Gal.

**~xXx~**

The silverette teen moved over to the wardrobe to borrow some clothing from his lover since all his own stuff was still packed away in boxes from the move earlier. He was too tired to rifle through them right now and 'borrowing' something from his blonde lover seemed like a good idea. Besides he was about to have a shower and changing back into the clothes he'd been wearing while moving all those heavy boxes all day was so **not** his idea of a good time.

His bare feet struck something hard beneath the wardrobe as he stood in front of it. Giving a soft curse he bent down to pick up the thing that he'd stubbed his toe on and was surprised to find a small wooden box. Frowning slightly he moved over to the bed and dropped the dark wooden thing on top of the covers. Then with a shake of his head he decided that nosing through something of Clouds without prior permission was wrong and he would **not** violate his trust. The blonde had a hard enough time trusting people as it was, he didn't need to go and make it any harder for him.

Picking it back up he moved to slid it under the wardrobe once more. His frown deepened as he spotted what seemed to be a small, thick square of paper on the floor where the box had been. Picking up the paper he placed the box back and upon realising the 'paper' was actually a photo turned it over to take a peek. It wasn't like he'd done it on purpose and when he found a separate photo who could blame him for taking a look? Therefore he concluded that this was not a trust violation. He was shocked to find it was a picture of his blonde lover and a taller male who looked quite familiar in a weird way.

He frowned again. It was like looking at an aged photo of him self almost. Long silvery hair, pale skin, slender but muscular physique and piercing green eyes adorned the guy in the photo. Granted the resemblance wasn't an 'OMG! Look twins!' kinda one but it was most definitely there.

He threw the photo on the bed and planned to ask Cloud about it later once he'd showered and cooled down. But as he showered, scrubbing every inch of his pale frame he found his mind going over other things and just managed to work himself up more and more. Why did Cloud even have that photo anymore? What else was in that box? Why was said box hidden away? and most importantly the one that stung him the most, Was Cloud only with him because he looked like that other guy?

As he rinsed the suds from his body and hair he came to the conclusion however right or wrong, that it had to at least be a part of why he was with him. He could see the look on his blonde lover's face when they were alone sometimes. When he thought Riku wasn't looking, how the normally stoic male would look at his face and study every line and seem to store it away for when Riku wasn't there.

It seemed to Riku that he was studying the subtle differences and the obvious similarities and now he knew why. Cloud wasn't looking at **him**, he was looking at that guy, whoever the hell he was. Turning off the water he stepped out of the shower and wrapped a pristinely white towel low around his hips. Apparently Aerith had done Cloud's laundry again considering the blonde had a tendency to wipe his hands upon them when they were covered in engine oil, grease or any other substance a bike needed or used and housekeeping just wasn't his strong suit.

Walking with a sigh into Cloud's… **their **bedroom and proceeded to dry his body as quickly and as thoroughly as possible. Slipping into the black clothing he'd borrowed he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and for one second he managed to note that he actually looked good in his lovers clothing. That was a very fleeting thought however and he scowled as he turned away from the mirror and moved towards the bedroom door.

Walking down the corridor he reached his hand out to open the front door when it swung open all by itself. Aquamarine met azure blue and Cloud's gaze flowed over his lovers form, noting the way his skin tight top accentuated Riku's perfectly formed physique and the belted and strapped black pants hung low on the teen's hips. Gods he looked beautiful, but fighting the urge to just jump him right then and there, he locked eyes with his silver haired boyfriend and allowed that small barely there smile that was reserved only for Riku to alight upon his lips.

"Hey."

"Hey." Riku replied in what sounded nothing less than his normal voice.

"Going somewhere?"

"Uh yeah Sora asked me to help him out with something earlier so I figured I'd head out there and get it done ASAP." He shrugged.

"I see… ok well uh let me guess you wanna borrow Fenrir right?"

"I can walk. Doesn't really matter either way."

Cloud smirked, Riku the ever stoic teen. Not that he could say anything of course, it wasn't like he was any different but for some reason it amused him a little how Riku occasionally seemed to be more aloof than he was. Not that Cloud Strife would ever really admit to finding things amusing but somehow since he'd been with the silver haired teen he'd become a little more congenial than he used to be.

He handed over the keys and his goggles and looked Riku over once more giving an appreciative whistle. "You look damn good in my clothes. I'll have to hide yours more often." He said giving the other a wink.

"Hn. Then what'll you wear? I really don't think that you'd look too good in mine. Hot as you are my clothing just isn't your style."

"Yeah you're right." Cloud sighed finally sensing that maybe something just wasn't right but as he looked Riku over properly he just looked tired. It had to be the move, if something was really wrong he wouldn't even bother talking to him. Surely that was it.

"Don't stay too long ok? It is…"

"Our first night of living together I know. I won't stay long." Riku said turning away from Cloud and walking out of the door without a backwards glance.

Cloud leaned against the door frame, his arms crossed over his chest and sighed as the purr of his beloved engine roared into life. He watched the teen pull away and shoot off down the street and then he knew that he shouldn't have let him go like that. He'd fucked up, Riku was clearly not right and he had no idea why nor what he had done to screw things up. He'd gone to speak to Tifa for like 2 hours about rearranging his work schedule so that he could have tomorrow off to spend time with the teen on their first day of officially living together and somehow in that time everything had gone horribly wrong.

He'd felt like the worlds biggest sap doing it and Tifa's smirks and giggles had been very unhelpful in relieving him of the discomfort he already felt at doing such a thing. Aerith had joined them half way through practically squealing at [i]_'how utterly cute'_[/i] he was. He rolled his eyes at the memory and moved into the front room to crash down onto the sofa face first while he waited for his young lovers return and think over what he was meant to do to fix this… whatever it was that he'd done. He knew that sometimes Riku just needed space so he opted to give him that space and not risk pushing it too far, after all he was the same way.

**~xXx~**

Bouncing off the sofa the brunette swung open the door and all but screamed as he flew at his silver haired best friend. "Riku! What are you doing here? Leon Riku's here!"

"I know Sora I heard." Came the other brunette's reply as he glanced up from where he he sat on the sofa cleaning his gun blade.

Turning back to the other teen Sora cocked his head to the side and looked at him in confusion. "I thought you were spending time with Clou…" He trailed off looking back to his lover for help.

Putting his gun blade back in it's case Leon crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned back against the sofa and glanced at his excitable boyfriend. "Sora will you let him in for crying out loud? It's bad manners to leave someone standing in the doorway even if he is your best friend and knows how forgetful you can be." Turning to the second teen he raised a questioning eyebrow at Riku "Alright spit it out what the hell happened in the two hours since we finished moving you in?"

Shifting away from the door Riku shuffled inside keeping his head down and Leon's brow furrowed in concentration. The teen was wearing Cloud's clothing, he held the keys to Fenrir in one hand and the goggles in the other. The blonde wouldn't just give him those things if they'd had a fight or anything so just what the hell was going on. The longer he stood there the more downcast Riku's appearance became. Not that he was showing all that much emotion but there was something there that wasn't usually there.

"Leon, what do you know about some silver haired, green eyed guy Cloud used to date?"

Sora pouted, Riku was ignoring him and questioning the older brunette about someone Cloud **used** to date? He frowned as he shut the door then stalked into the kitchen to fetch a drink. Riku's eyes followed him for a second before fixing back on Leon's steel grey ones.

"So you found out about Seph huh?" Leon finally answered with a deep sigh.

"Seph?"

Leon watched as he moved over to sit on the floor pulling his arms up to his chest, his muscular arms wrapping around them. He almost looked broke and Leon being who he was knew immediately what it was that had broken the teen. "Sephiroth, Clouds first lover. Let me guess you found a pic of him and now you think that blondie's only with you because you look like him."

Riku nodded, it wasn't a question he knew that but he felt the need to reply anyway. He couldn't deny it in front of Leon. Sora being the sweet, still slightly naïve male that he was yes, but no one could lie to the older brunette and expect him to believe them.

Hearing a gasp from the door way he turned his head to meet with Sora's bright blue eyes, eyes so different to Cloud's and somehow in some ways so similar. Sora knelt beside him and looked between his lover and his best friend.

"Believe me Spiky wouldn't be with you if you reminded him of Seph."

Something in the way he said that caused Riku's brain to go into overdrive. Something was still wrong here, this Sephiroth sounded like bad news and just the way Leon said his name and the cold glare that darkened his eyes to a ash grey set Riku on edge. "Who is he and what the hell does that mean?" Came the slightly annoyed response from the silverette.

"It's not my story to tell," Leon replied as he moved to get up from his seat.

Riku glared at him now. He couldn't just go around saying things like that and not explaining his words then go to leave. Sora jumped up and literally pounced on Leon knocking him back against the wall as he wrapped his arms around his neck and legs around his waist.

"Leeeeeoooonnn…" He whined into his ear as the older brunette's arms slid around his waist to hold him there.

"Sora I can't. It's Cloud's story, his place to say not mine. I can't betray him like that, you know what he's like," Leon explained calmly as his glance shifted to the glaring silver haired teen seated on his front room floor.

Sora nodded knowing that his boyfriend couldn't say anything about this mysterious Sephiroth even if he wanted to. It just wouldn't be right. Both brunette's watched as Riku turned away from them sighing as he rested his head upon his knees.

"Listen I gotta go. I need to…"

"See to Cloud I know," Sora gave him a half sad, half proud smile and leaned forward to press his lips to Leon's.

Leon briefly returned the kiss, sighing softly into it before he released Sora and allowed him to slip down from where he'd been glued around his waist like a leech. Stepping back Sora waved as he left and turned to his best friend again after the door shut behind the older male.

"Riku?" No response at all. He tried again a little louder this time. "Riku, you need to talk to Cloud about this."

"Hn," Riku muttered and Sora sighed knowing that this was most likely the best response he'd receive right now.

**~xXx~**

Cloud stood from his place on the sofa deciding he'd go crash on the bed instead. He'd been there for about an hour or so now and it just wasn't the most comfortable position in the world. Sighing he stepped into the bedroom and narrowed his eyes as something on the bed stood out to him. He groaned before he even picked it up and as he did everything suddenly became clear to him, all the pieces of this strange puzzle sliding into place.

Riku had somehow found a picture of him and Sephiroth, just about the only one he'd ever had that showed both him and Seph completely happy or their brand of happy anyway. It was hard to show happiness when your face was pretty much always schooled into a neutral expression but somehow it was clear they were happy despite that.

But that had been at the start of the relationship and things had quickly soured. Seph had been a rather cruel and uncaring boyfriend, if he could even be called that anyway. Cloud had realized after he finally got away from him with Leon's help that he'd never truly meant anything to the domineering, cold silverette. He was just a warm body to share his bed and his body with him.

Throwing down the picture he dashed to the phone and dialled in Sora and Leon's number. Riku would still be there, he knew that and he knew now what it was that had had him slightly troubled by his young lover's behaviour earlier. Just as he punched in the number the door swung open and he looked up to meet his best friends gaze. Leon silently entered the room and merely watched as Sora finally picked up at the other end.

_"Hello?"_

"Sora listen I need to speak to Riku. Is he still there?"

_"Yeah he's here but Cloud he…"_

"Yeah I know he found the picture of Seph. Listen I really gotta talk to him just put him on."

_"K, hold on I'll try, but I can't promise anything."_

"Thanks So," Cloud replied as he collapsed down into the sofa he not long vacated.

Leon leaned against the wall as they heard Sora trying to coax Riku to the phone.

_"Riku it's…" _Sora began hesitantly as he approached the silver haired male.

_"I know who it is Sor. I heard,"_ Riku snapped back.

Both Cloud and Leon winced at that one. Sora was probably chewing on his lower lip right about now and his blue eyes would be filled with hurt that the older teen had snapped at him for something that wasn't his fault and he'd either do one of two things right about now.

Number one was where he pouted, possibly even teared up a little and then snapped back like a petulant and hurt child. Number two was where he just came back to the phone and would proceed to tell them in a much snappier voice than in the first scenario that Riku was being a stubborn ass and refused to talk to him as he glared at the older teen and demand that he stop taking his problems out on him, grow up and solve this problem with his boyfriend. Leon's influence caused those kind of reactions in him but they were still mostly few and far between.

_"Don't you take your problems out on me! I'm trying to help you here. We all know how Cloud feels about you…" _Leon raised an eyebrow at the blonde and smirked. He received an icy death glare in response and they listened as Sora continued. _"…and he wants to make things right. Why do you never accept help? You, Cloud and Leon you're all stubborn asses! Every time I do something for any of you, none of you can just take my help for what it is can you? I'm just trying to be a good friend and help out the people I care about! Why do you always have to make it so hard?!"_

Leon and Cloud turned to look at each other with raised eyebrows and sighed as they heard a slight hitch in Sora's breath. He was annoyed now and upset to by the sounds of it. Finally they heard movement as Riku stood from the floor, followed by rustling as he enveloped the other teen in his arms. At least that was what the presumed was happening and knowing the two as well as they did they were certain they were right. He was probably resting his head on top of the brunette's spiky locks right about now and sighing quietly.

_"Look I didn't mean it alright?"_

_"Yeah I know, now stop being as stubborn as Leon, get on the phone and fix things with your boyfriend." _

It was Cloud's turn to smirk and even give out a small chuckle at that comment and Leon's turn to growl and glare at him. They heard Sora walk away and Leon nodded towards the door announcing that he was gonna leave now. Cloud nodded and waited for the brunette to leave before picking up the phone.

"Riku?"

_"Yeah."_

"We need to talk." Cloud sighed as he heard the still accusatory tone in his lover's voice.

_"So talk."_ Riku retorted.

"Not on the phone. Come home." He knew his tone sounded a little defeated but honestly it kind of was. Fighting and being in the military was nothing compared to talking to his haunted lover. Not that he was any better but being a teenager Riku seemed to take it to a whole other level.

Heaving a deep sigh Riku gave a quiet _"Yeah alright," _before he hung up the phone.

Cloud replaced the receiver in the cradle and tilted his head back, closing his eyes and waiting for the teen to return to their apartment. Planning just what he was going to say to him, how he was going too explain his and Seph's relationship and that he wasn't with him because he reminded him of the sadistic bastard was kind of hard really. Lord knows he had a masochistic side but hell anyone who wanted Sephiroth as a lover or to be with someone who reminded them of him had to be mentally insane. That would be the only reason for such a reaction and Cloud Strife was perfectly sane thank you very much.

He didn't know how long it was until he heard the faint roar of Fenrir pulling into the drive. The sound of the engine switched off, footsteps crunched up the path to the door and then he was once more face to face with his lover. Aquamarine locked with azure blue.

"Hey."

"Hey."

**~xXx~**

Cloud looked over to gauge Riku's reaction as he finished his story. The usually pretty stoic teen was now staring at him wide eyed and unsure. He didn't think he'd ever seen the silverette look so… un-Riku-like.

"Why didn't you get out sooner?" Riku finally asked as he contemplated just what could cause someone to stay in such an abusive relationship.

He knew there was darkness in Cloud's past but this was just the icing on the proverbial cake. Rape, injury, domination both physical and mental and vicious puts downs constantly were enough to break anyone. Only Cloud could survive something like that and come back swinging afterwards.

"Because I was young and stupid. I thought I could change him, I thought… he…" Cloud replied quietly.

"You thought he cared for you. Maybe even loved you." Riku finished after the blonde trailed off.

"Yeah something like that." Cloud shrugged, "I never showed you any picture's because I knew you'd think exactly what you did do and I wasn't sure I was ready to tell you about it. Hell I didn't even know I **had** any pictures anymore!" he sighed again before continuing, "You thought I was only with you because you two have a few similarity's but that's not what it is at all. I like you for you, if you reminded me to much of **him** I don't think I'd ever wanna see you again. Where the hell did that pic even come from anyway?"

"Must have been stuck on the bottom of the box I guess," Riku shrugged and stood up from the sofa holding his hand out to Cloud.

Frowning Cloud looked up at him and received a self assured smirk in response. Clearly Riku was back to his normal self and the blonde couldn't help but smirk back in response. Things were ok again and he felt much better now that this matter was sorted and behind them. Because it was, people like him and Riku moved on from this kind of thing and just carried on like nothing was wrong and now for them that was true.

"What are you doing?" Cloud asked as he picked himself up from the sofa and followed when the teen tugged him towards their bedroom.

"I'm going to show you I'm nothing like him, prove to myself that I was wrong that we were so similar. I'll make you forget all about him," Riku purred seductively into his ear as he pushed him down on to the bed....

* * *

**A/N:** This is my first ever attempt at ClouKu and I will love you forever and ever if you review it for me! ~licks everyone and gives puppy dog eyes~ Please?


End file.
